B: You don't really have any guest spots even though the Dirty Little Snatch is quite long. Is this because Carlon uses a variety of styles and voices, or do you have future plans to work with other people?
Carlon: Glad you asked that, yeah I’m currently working on other artists albums. First of all, I got this big project planned with Mr CRF, Universon, Dermo, Noz, Doyen D, Little Angry Man, Skinny9er, Wordsearch, Rez and others. We called The Snatch Squad and it’s gonna be a big posse album. I already done like 25 instrumentals and sent em out to all members. So all the music is done, all we need to do now is get together and drop the vocals. It’s got mad potential but we’ll wait and see on the outcome.
Then I’m hopin to work with Mr CRF on an EP. We goin by the name of The Animal Crackers and I did a few instrumentals for that last summer but it got all held up. Respect to CRF cos he laid his vocals but cos of work and life I never got round to finishin off my vocals. But it will come. Hold tight for some dirty, animal-based tomfoolery. Cummin at you very soon.
B: In an ideal world who would you like to work with? Any established artists?
Carlon: I would like to record a track with Nigel Buckland, so if you reading this get in touch. I have an evil idea for the video. Rapper-wise, I would like to do a track with Necro, RA the Rugged Man and Bizarre from D12. A filthy twisted collaboration in which all holes were catered for. I would also like to do a duet album with Kool Keith. It would be called ‘Goose Milk’ and would be a concept album about death and luxury cheese. All production would be shared between Prince Paul, EL-P, Mighty Mi, Ski, Mathemetics and Marley Marl. Featured rappers would include Ghostface Killah, Redman, E 40, Tash, Camp Lo and Vanilla Ice.I also wanna work with Doyen D – check for his ill album ‘Game’.
B: Is there anyone else in your crew we need to know about?
Carlon: Of course. My current production project is for a dood called Skinny9er from Skye Edge Estate, Sheffield. He sent me a demo after my feature in HHC and I really liked his voice and flow. He works like mad on his ideas and is hungrier than Lisa Riley in Farmfoods, so I’m working on his first filthy release on Fascination Records called ‘Skinny9er Is So Slick’. Think Slick Rick, Schooly D, Devin, Too Short..that type of MC. But all in a UK style with real housewives dancing in the background, so it should be very stimulating. So that’s on its way. Then there’s some otha doods you might have heard of like Universon, Dermo, Rez from Retford? All down to make music. And of course there is the best band in the South Yorkshire region – Libawalks. They are from Doncaster and are playing live at The Spider’s Web in Donny some Tuesdays. Never forget the name. Libawalks. They owe me one. Dirty foxes.
B: Are there any other releases you have been on that people may not be aware of?
Carlon: I had a bit part on Ice Cube’s ‘Amerikkas Most Wanted’. I was the voice who said….”And now….the driveby”. I was eating a sandwich at the time and was taken aback by Sir Jinx’s insistence on wearing a Steve Bull facemask throughout the recording. I was also the panting sound on the chorus of Vanilla Ice’s ‘Ice Ice Baby’. I’d been stuck in traffic all morning and arrived at the studio a bit late. The lift was bust and you know what Vanilla Ice is like – he loves a good laugh so he’d placed a thick wall of cement on each staircase meaning that I had to climb up the side of the building to get to his studio. When I got there, he had just finished recording ‘Hooked’, a song apparently inspired from his experience with Suge Knight. The mic was turned on, I was thrown in front of it and the rest is history.
But to answer your question, no I haven’t.
B: What other projects are you working on?
Carlon: Here is full list with rough expected release dates;
- CARLON STARDOM ‘The Great Viagra Falls’SPRING 2003
- THE SNATCH SQUAD ‘TBC’ COMING SOON
- SKINNY9ER ‘Skinny9er Is So Slick’ SUMMER 2003 (TBC)
- MATTHEW THOMAS ‘The Happiest Days Of Your Lives’ SUMMER 2003
- JOHN MAGNUM ‘Cumming On America’ SUMMER 2003
- CARLON STARDOM ‘The Full Facial’ AUTUMN 2003
- DR VENKMAN ‘Close Your Eyes And Pray’ WINTER 2003
B: What have you learned from your recording, performing and business experiences so far? What advice would you have for anyone trying to get out there now?
Carlon: My advice would be don’t take it all so seriously. All UK acts that are tryin to break out always struggle n strive to make it big by givin it all that dark/battle stuff. Why can’t somebody just record what they want then put it out themselves? Have a laugh with it.. get a real life first then do the hip hop as a hobby. You should never sit there thinking you are gonna make loads of money from making hip hop in this country – the only way you’ll do that is by doin some cheese like Iceberg Slimm, Big Brovaz etc. I respect the artists like Black Twang/The Streets, who have made quality product and at the same time got love from the mass media. Both of their albums were dope last year – I know The Streets got his detractors but in my expert opinion, I reckon his album was better than any otha UK product last year. Just my opinion.
Oh, and never chase a priest with a badger comb.
B: At the moment, Bush and Blair are pushing forward with taking down Saddam Hussein in Iraq, even though he has been quiet for 10 years and that they have crippled the country with sanctions and continued bombing in the North and South throughout the entire time since the Gulf War. This comes on top of the Bali bomb, the overthrowing of the Taliban in Afghanistan and Muslims in Palestine (and throughout most of the world) getting a proper hammering from the Israelis and the US with our help. What are the reasons for this and how does it make you feel? What can realistically be done to help people live together?
Carlon: First of all, I don’t think that the general public ever really know what is going on – all our information is gleaned from the mass media. The information we receive is only an interpretation of true events, so when asked a question such as this, I always find it difficult to provide a clear-cut answer. Although I don’t have enough primary information to form a decisive opinion, I do feel that the American political stance on Iraq is misguided and confused. With war now almost an inevitability, I just hope that whatever military action the UN sees appropriate to use, they are both efficient and accurate in their attacks. And although the events of 9/11 will never be forgotten, I find it difficult to appreciate the logic behind carpet-bombing thousands of innocent people in reply to one organisation’s evil actions. When I’m not behind the mic and boards making funky beats, I’m a lecturer who specializes in psychology and criminology. So much of the material we cover is relevant now – humans will never get along and live harmoniously. We may curtail personal differences in personality and attitudes, but we will never all agree – that is how we are designed.
B: Things are getting heated in the UK too. We recently had the Hackney siege, the gang shoot out battle in Birmingham in which those two girls were tragically killed. There is a Ripper style murderer in Camden leaving body parts in bin bags around his manor. What is the scoop in your area? Is there a great deal of depravation there?
Carlon: Not really. There’s a lot of strange people in the North but not that much deprivation. There’s also a strange smell of fish throughout the midlands area. No seriously, I think the government has addressed a lot of the poverty-stricken areas in the North. I was born and raised in a very rundown area of Yorkshire, where crime was rife and personal items would disappear without any getback. Like Nate Dogg’s big fat face, nobody was safe – but you roll with the punches and you make your money and get away from it all. I believe that the answer to poverty lies within the individual. YOU must make your situation change , don’t wait for Tony Blair to come to your house and lend you a fiver and a 20 deck. Gather your own nuts and berries. That’s my advice to everyone out there reading this – snuggle up to yourself and face the cameras every day. Don’t blame others – YOU can do it.
B: Does this make you at all political? I ask everyone about politics, because I think it is important that we have knowledge of what is going on, but occasionally heads decline to answer. I guess they don't want to upset anyone. Do you have anything to say on that? Any issues you think people need to open their eyes too?
Carlon: I think people need to open their eyes to the possibility of extinction. Human beings are the most self-harming, self-destructive and cynically suicidal species within the animal kingdom. We will be responsible for our own downfall and unless we take the time to address some key issues in society, then the Earth will eventually degenerate. Not in my lifetime, not in your lifetime, not in Mark Fowler’s lifetime, but eventually society will destroy itself. I only hope it’s not before Forest make it back to the Premiership.
B: If you could change something about society, what would it be and why?
Carlon: I would make Irish Dancing a compulsory GCSE subject, then go back to college and join an Engineering course. No seriously, I think that society would be better if owls were available in most petrol stations. That way, you could leave your brace of Tawnies at home and buy a few on the way to your important date with Willie Carson’s dead family members or whatever. Also, if I ruled the world, I would enforce a law which made the smoking of marijuana illegal in the UK. That way nobody would smoke it. Ever.
B: UK Hip Hop seems to be getting a fair bit of positive press at the moment, but yet our homegrown music rarely breaks the charts and many people purely check for US material. What are the reasons for this and how can the situation be remedied?
Carlon: The reason for this is that most UK material is shit. It’s not really UK material – the beats are US, the lyrical content is US and the fakkin accent is US! Do these people have executive producers? Do they listen to their own stuff? They are shyite and shit and need to stop doing it. 90% of all chart UK hip hop is wank. Think about it – can you name a UK hip hop group that have done well in the charts and are any good? The Streets? Roots Manuva? …that’s about it. All the rest are paintings- they are shyite.
How can it be remedied? I think what I’m doing is the answer to that. My music is universal – check it out.
B: Outside your crew who are the UK artists you listen to and admire? What is it about them you like?
Carlon: Current UK artists that I admire include; The Streets (original, honest, witty), Mark B (phresh beats every time), Rodney P (the voice), Phi Life Cipha (quality music), Doyen D (up north lad with tha mic), Ruf Beats (THE NUMBER ONE UK RECORD LABEL SINCE 95!!! Big up Dave), Out Da Ville (another quality group..Notts in tha place), Black Twang (nuff said), Roots Manuva (originality every time), TY (another original lyricist), Jehst, P Brothers, Braintax, CRF, too many to list really. Old skool UK artists are like Hijack, Gunshot, Ruthless Rap Assassins, Silver Bullet, Katch 22, Krispy 3, Caveman, MC Tunes, London Posse, Mell O, Black Radical, Derek B, Duke, all them from the late 80s and early 90s.
B: Who or what are you other influences? What do you do when you are not doing Hip Hop stuff?
Carlon: US influences would be like Prince Paul, Gangstarr, Too Short, Kool Keith, Devin, E 40, Redman, Eastern Conference, Kool G Rap, Canibus, Def Jux, Thirstin Howl III, Camp Lo, Necro,Wu Tang, Jay Z, Nas, Paul Barman….. could go on forever. I also feel a lot of comedy, Reeves & Mortimer, Ricky Gervais, Ali G, Bo Selector, Big Train, Father Ted, League of Gentleman, Harry Hill, Eddie Izzard. I would like to get into stand-up comedy but ain’t sure how to do it without being chased by Lakim Shabazz’s mam, if you know what I mean.
When I’m not doing this hip hop thing I can be found filming special ladies with their own selection of cucumber-related paraphernalia. And throughout the week I collect anything with Terry Butcher on it.
B: Where can people hear your stuff?
Carlon: You can’t hear my stuff anywhere because of the extreme offensive nature of its themes and content. The album has been described as ‘smut that would stun RA the Rugged Man’. It’s very very dark and twisted. But we’re doing some special offers on the remaining CD copies we have, so if you want the first album at a bargain price, contact me on the information below.
B: Where can people pick up your stuff?
Carlon: Most shops have probably sold out by now but it is still in Pendulum Records, Retford. If you want a copy of the CD album at a low low price, contact me on 07860 939429. Or e mail me by clicking here. All orders are dispatched on the day of ordering and the first few customers who mention this site will get a bonus CD with over 14 unreleased Carlon Stardom tracks. Very rare, so get in touch if you want to taste our aural seed for yourself. I might put it on e bay soon also??
B: What do you make of the internet? Do you have any plans for your own online presence?
Carlon: I think the internet is full of a lot of unique people. By that, I mean so many people who are living in a dream world – a world where they can be anything they want. What makes me laugh is the sudden surge of chat rooms. Even on WAP you got little chat rooms with tha same people every night! Plus we got this apparently new breed of internet pervert – those middle-aged men with thick glasses who pose as children in the hope of luring innocent girls into their clutches. Now that’s gangsta.
As for me on the net, yeah in an ideal world Fascination Records would be on the web now but it’s just difficult holdin down a job, doin tha music, livin a life and doin some web bizznizz. I will get round to it soon.. watch ya browser for a full Fascination Records dirt site featuring the hottest fishcakes and slide-rule passes. Honest. Anyone wanna help me out get on the case. You know the numbers.
B: OK. To wind this up, what is going to be keeping you busy over the next few months?
Carlon: I’ve just got a new job, start in September and it’s quite a biggie of position so plenty of preparation needed over the summer. As I’ve already mentioned I’m working on the new projects and the new radio stations, plus a whole range of side issues that I can’t really mention. Big business.
I’m also currently digging a big hole near the A1(M) Northbound in Bawtry, so that’s gonna take a bit of my time up over the coming months.
B: What are your longer term plans and objectives?
Carlon: I plan to be the next Suge Knight, but without the criminal convictions. I want to consistently produce a product that is unique, amusing and hard. I just wanna roll the world’s biggest spliff and put it in the biff of Mandy Smith, if that’s alright? No seriously, I want to form an X Clan appreciation band and start touring local coastal towns in the search of nuggets and sweat.
It would be ideal if I could stay focused on the label and put out albums that I love, in the hope that other people will do too. I aim to get the front cover of Women’s Weekly or any other women’s magazine before I’m too old and plan to develop my skills as an elephant impersonator at Whipsnade Zoo. I also have aspirations to jazz up my image by wearing a full leather-dom outfit and going into Halfords in the hope of finding some A Team stickers for my Raleigh bicycle, if at all possible.
Apart from that, I just hope to maintain my optimistic outlook on life and love those around me. Like foxes.
B: Is there anything else you would like to mention?
Carlon: I’d like to mention my humongous tail, which droops from my ball bag like a baby’s leg.
Oh and keep an eye on the frequency of 99.9 FM if you in the North/East Midlands area. Big things.
Finally is there anyone else you would like to mention?
Carlon: Susan Danford.
Thank you for your time.
Carlon: An absolute pleasure, keep up the good work. Sease.
Buy my album everyone.
You can contact Fascination Records at:
Tel: 07860 939429
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